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Original songs, Looking for reviews

I've been trying to get some vocal reviews for a while but its difficult to find some honest opinions. Thought I would try posting some on here see what you guys think.

Here is one of my originals, some constructive criticism would be excellent. I have been working on vocals for a year or so I can't seem to get the tone in recordings that I really like.

https://canadianbearfighter.bandcamp.com/track/found

Comments

  • 9 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • highmtnhighmtn Posts: 9,927Administrator, Moderator, Enrolled, Pro
    So what are you looking for? Critique on your songwriting, your singing, your recording?

    Your story didn't grab me until the middle 8 where you say your mind goes deeper than the sea. That was getting out of the singsong folksy thing and into some more thought-provoking scenery. Then you kind of had me. So you might want to get in there on the first verses and set the story up a little quicker or throw in a little more personal rather than general stuff to draw us in? Get to it and then leave us wanting more?

    Your singing is good, mostly. There are a couple of notes I would fix here and there, but you're not a bad singer. I'm just a picky listener on demos, and think people should generally get them polished, if they're wanting a deep critique. And Likewise, I would move a note here and there in your melody, mostly ending notes, but that's just my opinion, and you're the writer.

    It's like the internet is full of jaded vocal critics, but I think we all want to give a more attentive ear when somebody is confiding in us, and sharing that part of us that we might not want the whole world to really know... less general, more to the heart of the matter. It's hard to do. We would all be millionaires if we knew how to just sit down and write that kind of thing perfectly.

    Nice job. You have nothing to be apologetic about. The most successful writers I know really write a LOT of songs, and most of them are throw-away. It's those one out of ten or one out of twenty that make all of that effort become worthwhile. It's partially in the law of averages. Only some of your songs will be your best ones, so it takes a lot to get several good songs pulled out of you.
  • Thanks for the insight, I definitely can see what your saying about the build in the song, maybe I can shift some of the bridge into a pre-chorus or something then it has that touch earlier.

    I find for vocal critiques I always get people saying its great and no constructive criticism, any thoughts on what to work on?

    Thanks for taking the time highmtn
  • highmtnhighmtn Posts: 9,927Administrator, Moderator, Enrolled, Pro
    Support a little more. Bear down on your guts just a little bit all the time when you're singing, to get a sound that's more connected to the diaphragm.

    Some of your notes waver a little or fall flat towards the end of phrases. Make sure you're maintaining consistent support until the notes are finished. Don't lapse early when the notes aren't done.

    Brighten up the tone just a bit.

    All the Best!
  • I think I get what you mean on the diaphragm. What kind of things can I do to brighten the tone? I find thats something I struggle with recording more than live.
  • highmtnhighmtn Posts: 9,927Administrator, Moderator, Enrolled, Pro
    Cord closure will help. You'll sound less breathy with more cord closure, and it will be brighter. You can also smile into the sound and direct the sound towards the hard surfaces of the vocal tract, like the backs of the exposed upper teeth, the hard palate, etc.

    Emulate the sound Ken makes when he demostrates "It's the LAH!!!! AH!!!!

    That is the bright sound, with good cord closure.
  • Thanks for the advice, I've been working on some of these things here's what I've come up with on another of my songs

    at this point I'm getting some other feedback that it is still very pitchy and sounds a bit whiney
    any thoughts?

    thanks
  • highmtnhighmtn Posts: 9,927Administrator, Moderator, Enrolled, Pro
    There is a quiver in your vibrato that people may be interpreting as whiny. Otherwise, it's not too nasal or too bright. A slower vibrato is usually preferable to a fast one. A few end-of-the line notes go a little flat. That's usually a matter of running out of air, or not keeping your support up to the end of the line. You still need to bear down on your diaphragm more on the higher notes to give them more stability and consistency.
  • Thanks for the feedback, will work on those
  • highmtnhighmtn Posts: 9,927Administrator, Moderator, Enrolled, Pro
    The "ghosting exercises" in Volume 2 are great for training to slow down the vibrato, if you're interested.
  • perfect will take a look
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