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Personal Diary/Blog

KevinGremKevinGrem Posts: 142Pro
edited May 7 in Off Topic
Saturday, May 6, 2017

Slept in today, didn't wake up until 5pm. Been waking up with a headache every day for the past week. If this continues I'm going to see a doctor for a check up. I'm pretty frustrated and annoyed because I've been trying really damn hard for the last week to normalize my sleeping patterns. I'm not sure what the hell is going on but it is starting to really piss me off.

Just ordered some nice equipment from Sweetwater Sound; it will be arriving next week. Three different microphones...I will most likely try them all and return two of them. I will be using a small room as my recording space...it's roughly 15 feet long by 10 feet wide. Not very big but it will do for me. I'm happy to be focusing on singing and writing music for the time being, and I'm inspired by my music, and my voice in particular. I think I have what it takes to record a great album, and all of my friends have been encouraging towards me.

I talked for an hour last night with an old friend of mine about my current situation. It helped to get my thoughts and feelings out. In speaking about things it helped me to come to certain realizations that have helped to keep me motivated in life. One thing to always remember is that you will find naysayers and critics in all areas of life. Every successful person has had to deal with that. You cannot expect to change them, so don't try. Follow your heart and your dreams, and if some people don't appreciate it, you have to just brush them aside and let them go off into their own world. There will be plenty of those who don't understand what it is you are doing, and it's useless to try to convince them.

I know a lot of friends who undergo serious depression or other types of mental illness. But others I know never experience anything like that. I have a hard time understanding how there are people who never feel pain or sadness in life. And yet they exist. It's a total mystery to me how this could be. Why some people are happy and why some are not is by and large not understood. Sometimes I feel envy towards certain people, not because of who they are or what they represent, but just because they are always feeling well, all the time. Given the state of the world and how mucked up things are I cannot understand how such people could exist.

That's all for now.

Comments

  • KevinGremKevinGrem Posts: 142Pro
    Tuesday, May 9, 2017

    I completely have failed in my attempts to normalize my sleeping patterns, and so I guess I am just going to start being a night person, until somehow nature or circumstance forces me to change. Currently it is 3AM. There is only so much I can do for myself; most of what happens to me is beyond my control. We just do not understand why things happen the way they do, but I know there is a perfectly reasonable explanation hidden there somewhere. It will come to me soon enough.

    A lot of people like to think that they are in full control of their own fate. This is not the way things really are. It is a naive worldview and it is rooted in one's need to validate his own self worth. A wiser, more realistic worldview is to accept that there is a limited control you have over how you feel and what happens to you. That becomes more and more apparent to me the longer I live.

  • KevinGremKevinGrem Posts: 142Pro
    edited May 14
    Saturday, May 13, 2017

    I've been doing everything I can to try to keep moving forward along the right path in life. When I die, I will be able to confidently say that I have consistently lived by putting forth the maximum amount of effort and exertion each and every day. I know that. It's frustrating because other people around me, that is, my immediate family, never acknowledges or appreciates the very real struggle that I constantly endure.

    I talked with my friend and bandmate Rick, and we talked about my family and my relationship with them. My mother has said some maliciously insensitive things towards me throughout my life. She told me that I would never amount to anything. She told me that my singing sounds horrible and that no one will ever want to listen to it. She has called me a pussy, told me I'm lazy, selfish, and retarded. I have attempted to convey my thoughts to her by writing her deeply emotional and impassioned letters. Over and over again she has told me that she has absolutely no sympathy for me, and that no one cares about my feelings. I have brought this to the attention of all of my friends and also to my psychiatrist. They are all, literally, shocked and mortified at how messed up in the head she is, and at the amount of psychological abuse she has put me through, which has all been completely unwarranted.

    I have chronic major depressive disorder and panic disorder. It very well could have manifested itself within me due to years of having to deal with the irrational emotions of a woman who herself is very clearly exhibiting psychotic tendencies. If anyone can relate to me on some level and would like to leave me a comment for me below, then by all means, please do. Input and advice is very welcome; I write this blog for everyone to read.
  • KevinGremKevinGrem Posts: 142Pro
    edited May 21
    Saturday, May 20, 2017

    I'm happy to be getting back into the groove of singing again :)

    Ken Tamplin's vocal workouts really work, and they have helped me develop much better habits than I had in the past. My singing is the hobby that I can always derive fulfillment and satisfaction from, and it's always exciting for me to listen to the progress my voice has made since I started training with the KTVA.

    It's slow go upward, but I know I can do it and achieve my goals if I just stay focused. By the end of the year I hope to hear my belting chest voice consistently singing sustained, resonant B4's on any given day. I am getting very close to where I want to be.

    I want to personally thank Ken for creating such an awesome vocal program, and for creating such a wonderful, nurturing community for all of us aspiring singers.

    I am expecting to release a solo album later this year. It is going to be produced by Paul Sabu!
  • KevinGremKevinGrem Posts: 142Pro
    Monday, July 3, 2017

    The album will be done by August for sure. Paul and I have been in close contact and collaborating for the last month or so.

    I will soon have a job interview at the hospital for a position as a fiscal officer. I am told that the people there are friendly and compassionate. I scored an 89% on the state exam. I believe that I am more than qualified for this position.

    I'm having some family problems. My mother tells me that ever since I started training with KTVA, my voice has gotten much worse. Now, even though we have video and audio evidence to prove her wrong, she will not listen. Literally everyone besides her have complimented my voice and have told me how impressed they have been with how much I have grown over the past year. But more than that, I know that I have improved after using KTVA.

    I believe that she is purposely lying to me because she has ulterior motives. I think, that maybe in the back of her head, she thinks that by criticizing my singing, she thinks she is pushing me to try harder. That is the only reasonable explanation I can think of.

    I don't understand why women can't just be straight forward and honest. They think that by lying they are somehow are making the world a better place. Well they're not. I believe my mother has some major, MAJOR psychological issues that she never properly resolved. I wish my father still alive. He was always infinitely more rational and level headed than my mother, even up until death.
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