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"Drowning in Honey" original tune

KaiEllisKaiEllis Posts: 205Pro, 2.0 PRO
Hi! Round two on this song! Used feedback from a lot of people to re-record and reprogram this song from scratch.

Going for sort of a Goo Goo Dolls meets Neon Trees vibe - alt rock meets synth pop sensibilities.

I'd love feedback on the songwriting and the production! I'm new to everything, so everything about writing and recording a song is a revelation to me.

But if you can, avoid the low hanging fruit of "the vocals are pitchy" LOL You'll just be telling a fat kid who's already spending 3 hours a day at the gym that he needs to lose some weight :wink:

Instead, I'd love to hear about lyrics, melody, EQ, volume, compression, all that. Though if there are technique things you hear I can do better, that would be very helpful! Thank you!



"Drowning in Honey"

Don't know if you heard the news
I want to but can't refuse you
I've said it till now I'm shouting
When you're on my mind I'm drowning

And when the air escapes me
You start calling
I start stalling
I wish it was your fault
But that's just salt

The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey

It's hard when you're praised for your style
But what you've been wearing is denial
I'm living off of less than your crumbs
But you've become

The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs

I'm drowning in honey

Hello you
It's barely me
My emotions need a referee
A hall of mirrors in my head
We're a forest fire that must be fed

Loving you is like a trial
Leaving you has left me in a spiral
Living off of less than crumbs
Never knew that you’d become

The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey

Comments

  • KaiEllisKaiEllis Posts: 205Pro, 2.0 PRO
    @blondiewales Hoping to hear from you! :smile:
  • csharpcsharp Posts: 72.0 PRO
    Hey there, just i've seen no comments yet, so i think i can say smth. No opinions about singing as i'm so new to that can't comment but can give some op about the music.

    1) i like the lyrics,

    2) you can reach high notes there!!!

    3) i would try to think out the riff / strumming pattern that is easy to perceive and perfectly the same so you can recognize it and anchor to it when you are listener (maybe it's already done but during few times that i listened i couldn't perceive that easily, so let's count on a non musician who listens to it)

    4) breaks of some kind between strofa/ chorus, otherwise you can't perceive where one ends and other starts.

    5) some instrumental add-ons like intro and in between so they can help point 4, of course you could add some bass and drums that would make things easier to listen but of course additional headache hehe

    i think that you are on a good path. few more arrangement steps and that will be ok :smiley:

    hope you find that helpful
  • blondiewalesblondiewales Posts: 217Pro
    Hey, sorry man, I listened to this a while ago and thought I responded. Sometimes my posts get a "will be posted after approved" message and I forget about it. I think it's a bug in the system.

    Anyway, I can go more in-depth if you like, but I don't think your pitch is that bad, actually. In fact, that's not what I'd work on primarily if I were you. You're right, it is easy for some pseudo vocal coaches to target the "low hanging fruit" and point out when a student is off key or sounds bad. It's often pretty obvious, and the earlier portions of my vocal training I was sent home to practice vocal scales with a piano or guitar more times than I care to count. This frustrated me, and in my opinion, my time could have been better spent. It wasn't because I thought my pitch was fine... I knew it was off. I had just done so many scales by then that I didn't think they were the solution. The thing that finally clicked for me was tone. Get the tone right. Find a few notes you think you can sound out "correctly" for sure. That means open, not choked, and with managed tension (for me it was very low tension anywhere, but I'm hesitant to say this because it's different for people depending on their physical conditioning). Work from there. Once you have a solid, technically sound tone, THEN I'd say work on your pitch. Good tonal quality is representative of good technique, and it'll do wonders to improve your pitch straight away, and from there you can hone. I look back on all my hours doing fast scales... I was improving endurance and some supporting muscles (it's hard not to when you're doing hours of anything), but I can't help but think another five, ten, fifteen years of doing it that way wouldn't have rendered much improvement. Let me know if you have any questions. Feel free to hit me up on social media too.
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