Never sing in front of anyone?
RosieG
2.0 PRO Posts: 26
Hi! I’m new here, and I’m so excited! Anyway, I’ve been singing for about three years, and I can’t bring myself to sing in front of anyone. Not even my mom! Is there even a chance of it getting better if it’s that severe?
Answers
Yes, you can overcome the "fear" of singing in front of others. Is it easy? Only you can answer that, but regardless, it will take some work.
Just curious, do you have a general fear of presenting or talking in front of a group? I'm trying to understand whether this a general fear or whether it's specific to singing.
What do you fear about singing in front of others?
I don't have a magic wand for your here, but here are some things to think about.
It is much easier for me to sing in front of non-parents and family than to sing in front of family. I'm just wired that way, even to this day, when it comes to singing in front of my wife and kids. I have plenty of experience singing experience in a gigging band, church, etc. The small family settings just aren't a fun place for me to sing.
I also happen to be a perfectionist, so putting myself "out there" and open to criticism is particularly hard for me...until I perfect whatever it is I'm doing. However criticism, or should we say critiquing, given out of care and concern for the other person is a good thing. That's one way we grow. But it's still hard to hear "bad criticism", especially when it comes to something so personal as our voice. I had a lot of struggles with that when I was middle school.
Looking back, I suppose I overcame my fear through time, having supportive friends, and really working hard at improving my skills so as to create something pleasing for myself and others to hear. Keep in mind that a "pleasing" sound varies with age and skill level. For example, a 5 year old may make his violin sound like a cat is being skinned, but if he's genuinely working hard at learning the instrument, then that sound is "pleasing" given his skill level - as hair raising as that might actually sound.
You need to start somewhere with coming out of this performance shell. Perhaps start with recording yourself, and then asking others who genuinely love you for feedback. I'm guessing mom would love to do that.
Perhaps my friends @Sophia and @LoneWolfRogue can share their experiences.
Chris
for me it is the opposite: when I prepare for my singing practice my family gets nervous.
Doc
I've grown a lot since I started this course and you will too.
Rogue
Definately start by singing in front of a mirror. Look at yourself doing it. And even lightly talk to yourself. And look into your own eyes as you are singing. Slightly confronting, but it is confidence building.
Anyway, I am also shy in front of small groups of folks I know.. give me a large room or banquet hall in front of a bunch of strangers and I'm fine.
for me, it took years to even try singing again, i stopped around 12. it was enough thinking the neighbours could hear me, to discourage me. i think i was round 25-26 when i started being able to do it ON MY OWN again. at 33 or so, i had a few songs written, and played them to my band. they seemed to like it, or at least were not shocked, so i worked my way up from there , jamming with friends, more and more regularily. i formed another band, and had my first singing gig this March. i started KTVA almost a year ago in preparation for that show. i am 39 now. so it is possible, take small steps, and you will get there (i believe it can be done quicker than i did it, i think i was a bad case maybe)
I'm finding that by working hard on the exercises is helping me learn to trust my voice more, which takes away some of the fear too.
Good luck, you're in the best place here at KTVA.
I agree that it comes with experience and skill. You will notice yourself when you get better. This is why you should record yourself now and then. You will get used to hearing yourself, and be able to judge your own singing. Don't try to be too harsh. For me, i am my own worst critic. So listen carefully, and be constructive. There is always room for improvement, that never really stops.
I have gained the confidence to sing with other people as well now. I didn't even like to sing with my wife nearby at the start. Now i can even do my singing in the same room as she is in. She even likes it when i do that.
I definitely know how it feels. But you will improve.
I had only been playing guitar for a few weeks when I was asked to join a band because their guitarist had dropped out, but the worst thing happened. The singer had a tantrum and left the stage part way through! I had no option but to sing the only three songs I knew all the way through, with the other band members following me and my guitar. As it was also my first time on stage playing guitar and my fingers were knotting themselves up every now and then, I had two things to worry about and singing was the one I did better at the time! It got me over my fear of how I sounded coming through the mic to an audience. Luckily, the singer came back in time to take over.
After that, each time I went to a gig, for a long while, I could not remember a single word of any song I was supposed to be singing! It took courage, but I still went on stage hoping the words would come back. When the music started, I was okay because I had practised enough to get past the 'barrier' and was subconsciously remembering the lyrics. After those first times, my main worry was whether or not the sound from my mic came over well to the audience.
When out with a duo, for the first times, we sang comedy songs before the real set started and this broke the ice. I always reminded myself that I was not there to be judged, but to perform songs the audience would like, and hopefully, would sing along to. Some people have said to picture your audience naked to get over nerves, but I think that would have made me more nervous visualising such a thing!
It takes a bit of courage the first times singing in front of others. All of us feel anxious, but perhaps it's more important to only do this when you are satisfied you are doing the best you can, at that time anyway. If you don't feel ready or good enough, maybe you need to do a lot more practise first... No other way to get the confidence to get out there.
I have not served a drink from a bar though and never likely to, lol!