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Don't let me be without your love - original song - acoustic demo - FEEDBACK WELCOME

Hi everybody,

here is my newest upload. This time I did a new original song which is called "Don't let me be without your love".

I know it still needs some more work and focus and some parts still sound a little raw but nevertheless I decided to share it with you, because it was the first take and I will keep working on it anyway. Also if somebody wants to add some advice on what I should do to improve the vocals, don't hold back :)



@doc_ramadani @Wigs @samw2019 @coffeecrank @GuyChan @Diego @Sophia @maximgottmer @Vocality @DogMeat @Chris82 @heidianita @blondiewales @Rick_amateur @Klaus_T @Mysti @d1g2w3

Comments

  • coffeecrankcoffeecrank 2.0 PRO Posts: 426
    @Raphael_Hussl I really like the tune, very catchy. :) I also felt you got much better mid-song. Maybe you were just nervous in the beginning and later got more confident, understandable. So I would focus on keeping consistent pitch throughout the song, some notes are off to my ear, but it still sounds cool, I like your huskiness. Good job!
  • VocalityVocality 2.0 PRO Posts: 1,130
    @Raphael_Hussl It was a bit of shaky start but as you progressed you got alot better, nice sound yes and bit of work on pitch. A lot of positives there and it did sound quite a difficult song to do. As you progress through the training you will improve greatly nice job.

    Vocality :)
  • DogMeatDogMeat 2.0 PRO Posts: 326
    I would try changing the rhythm you are playing, and doing some variation to it. It's too simple repetition for 2 minutes or so, and fits better for the bass. That needs more playing skills, but just as an idea for improvement of the track. Theme of the song is dark and easy to get into, and lyrics fit nicely. I think it's a good start of a decent track if you hone it. I don't think it's as good as solo, as it would be with full band. Not much chord progression, so it's kind of monotonic to get deep into.
  • Chris82Chris82 2.0 PRO Posts: 371
    I liked the song! I really need to learn how to play an instrument so I can start writing songs of my own too.
  • maximgottmermaximgottmer 2.0 PRO Posts: 259
    Respect man, cool that you made your own song. Good job. I think it is an artistic choise to clamp down the throat to get a raspy voice. Cool job!
  • heidianitaheidianita 2.0 PRO Posts: 75
    Thank you for tagging me πŸ‘ you ask for feedback on the vocals... I think you sound very controlled. You give me the feeling that all you do is planned. You are dynamic, you use different weight and timber, your vibrato sounds chosen and so on. You make me relax listening to it, because you sound controlled. I'm not afraid you will all of a sudden loose it.

    This is a very honest and plain version of the song. You can't hide anything. I want to give you credit for that. Yes, it is a bit simple now, but try to see the potential with a band and a studio. This kinda give me the feeling of Queen.

    Thanks!
  • WigsWigs Moderator, 2.0 PRO Posts: 1,557
    I like itπŸ™‚ I'd like to hear you use more chest for some of it, doesn't need much but just to create a bit more dynamics.
  • Klaus_TKlaus_T 2.0 PRO Posts: 966
    I liked it too, the others already gave a few good tips. songwriting is one of my favoorite things once it's done, but it can be a very slow process (for me anyway), so any song that anyone finishes, they have my respect!

    i think maybe you could let the cords ring for some variaton where it makes sense (you did that a bit but it could potentially be fine-tuned), but then maybe the "repetitiveness" is part of the concept. are you planning to do this as solo acoustic, or with a bigger arrangement? would be nice to hear how that develops.
  • doc_ramadanidoc_ramadani Administrator, 2.0 PRO, Facility Management Posts: 3,783
    Hi @Raphael_Hussl,

    congratulations mate. I like it a lot. Very cool chord changes and really nice melody lines. And your voice sounds really, really cool where you put your chest voice in.

    I think it is quite normal that it sounds a little bit because you are playing it on one instrument while singing. In my brain I could hear a full band, a brass section and some session strings, like Jason Mraz's "Butterfly".

    Good work, Raphael.

    Doc
  • Raphael_HusslRaphael_Hussl 2.0 PRO Posts: 112
    I hadn't been online so much last week but thanks for all your comments and feedbacks.

    @coffeecrank Hi Lana, thanks for your feedback! The reason for this was mainly that at the moment it is still difficult for me to always maintain consistent breath support when singing this song. I'm getting some experience in how I can sing the song on different days but there are always days again where I notice that I have less strength than normally which sometimes causes struggle with some notes. The last few days for example I have had a lot more time for the workouts again and now I have again come to a point where my voice feels a little exhausted from all the workouts and I need some rest. I hope that over time with training I will be able to get to a point where I can sing this much easier.

    @Vocality Hi George, thank you! Yes, it is quite a difficult song for me to sing, especially to sing and play at the same time. I'm curious how I will be able to improve this with training and hope a lot that I can get to a point where I can make the song sound much easier.

    @DogMeat Thanks for your feedback and suggestions. Sure songs are always better with a great band arrangement but I'm also trying to write some of my songs in a way where they also sound good when I perform them alone. At the moment I do a lot of gigs on my own because unfortunately it is hard sometimes to find band members where I live. But your suggestion with more variation also sounds interesting. I still don't know exactly what kind of thing would fit there but with some more work maybe this would be an option. But at first I want to focus on keeping this rhythm more effortlessly and without making mistakes. In live performances I still notice that it actually is not all that easy to stay focused all the way through the song. With the chord progression you're right but I have a lot of songs where people always say that there's too much progression in the chords so I wanted to keep it as simple as possible in this one and wanted to write something where there is a lot of repetition to be able to build some kind of climax towards the end of the song.

    @Chris82 Hi Chris, thanks for your feedback! Yeah, being able to play an instrument and to write songs has always saved me since I first started singing. Pick the one you like most and go for it :smile:

    @maximgottmer Hi Maxim, thank you very much!

    @heidianita You're welcome! Thank you for your feedback! Queen is actually quite a compliment for a comparison although I think this would be not quite their style. But thanks for the comparison, a lot of times when other people compare your music to something else it is actually almost an insult but this one is not insulting at all. Yes, I'm also curious how this song could sound with a band or as a studio recording but therefore I will need a very good arrangement for it.

    @Wigs Hi Wigs, thank you! A couple of days after that take I recorded another take. On that day I think I was a little chestier on a few parts: https://www.dropbox.com/s/d5cbzjd1uysm9mc/Don't let me be without your love (demo2).wav?dl=0
    But to use more I think I have to be patient until my voice has grown some more through the workouts.

    @Klaus_T Hi Klaus, thanks for your feedback and suggestions! That's right. I want to use some degree of repetion because some time ago I noticed that I haven't got a song yet that has some really great repetitive part towards the end but maybe some kind of subtle change could also be built in somehow. At the moment I'm performing the song in the solo acoustic version but at least as soon as it will be recorded professionally I want to have a real arrangement for it.

    @doc_ramadani Hi Marco, thank you for your kind words! Yes, I think strings will definitely have to be in there when it is the time to record it. Brass maybe too. I'm for example thinking of some kind of really high strings that play some crazy kind of harmonies. For brass I still have to make up my mind if I want it to sound orchestral rather than funky or the other way round. By the way thanks for mentioning the Jason Mraz song, I don't know if I had heard it some time before but I didn't know the name.
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