archive cover!

aarsenault12

I've tried this archive song (sorry for explicit lyrics) i would appreciate any critiscism good or bad, i wan't to get better and see what I do right.

Wigs

I haven't heard the original but it sounds like a cool song and I'm assuming you are copying the original style which sounds like it's quite a spoken word piece. I think you could work on a few things to help bring it together more. The phrasing seems quite set against the beat and sometimes your timing is off, partly because you need to take a breath in between. If you can make your breath last longer and find the natural breaks in the lyrics to take your breath you'll get better flow. Try and feel when you need to sing the words rather than when it's expected so you aren't as static in the delivery. Have a bit of freedom in there while still holding true to the rythym and melody.

There's not much range to see deal with you should be able to get really good pitch. The melody doesn't seem to change much, you can use this to your advantage when you practice by using it in your exercises to really home in on tight pitch.