Hello, I'm Blivious O
BliviousO
Member Posts: 8
Wall of text...POWER!!!!
I've been singing all my life. This whole time I've also been on a constant journey to improve my voice. I have a natural ear for music that kind of defies what many people understand. I hear harmonies in my head even without music playing, and I can write melodies or incredibly odd harmonies in seconds without even thinking...when I write melodies I turn off my brain and somehow end up almost instantly coming up with 2 to 3 melodies to edit and splice. I can come up with parts for any instrument, save guitar, because my brain just can't figure out the underlying logic of guitar chords...I get chords on piano, but guitar just is weird...I like it this way though, because it forces me to need someone else to actually write a song, which I think is perfect. I also write pretty good lyrics as well, and I have a great sense for song structuring.
Now that I've patted myself on the back with my now dislocated shoulder, my big reason for joining us to get feedback and maybe help some others too. I've worked very hard to recognize my own flaws, take ownership of them, and then do everything I can to either fix said flaw or maybe set it in a more proper and healthy context to maybe transform my perception of it being a flaw to begin with. The strongest people embrace their weaknesses and can thus craft those seemingly inferior traits into positives. I've been alone pretty much my whole life, so that's why I've worked so hard to achieve that mentality...I want to constantly grow as a human being, and facing yourself head on without shame or regret always seemed like the best way to do that to me. But anyways, I'd like some feedback or criticism. I want to grow more as a singer. But I really hate when someone blatantly and cavalierly seems to just be trying to shatter my confidence...like this one guy who (even though I told I'd been on stage and recorded in my lifetime) decided to ask me if I'd ever recorded my singing and listened to it, because, somehow, (which I still can't understand how) he said that every single note I sang was flat...I was improvising an r and b sort of melody for some music he wrote, and it was my very first attempt also. Not to mention that it was my first time doing anything in music in 5 years due to my band of like 8 years turning on me and kicking me out because I was "crazy"...I actually just ended up getting the girl my drummer apparently had a thing for, and my guitarist had been jealous of me since we formed the band...I know this because of all the weird comments he (and the rest of them occasionally as well) would make to me always diminishing my role in the music writing process...they also would demand I sing things I didn't feel comfortable singing, and they played so loud that I had to scream and ended up butchering my voice for a few years until I stopped. It was a terrible situation for me, both because of self made choices (I felt like I had to grind my voice in order to sound more powerful...the constant forced screaming ended up giving me constant sinus infections and it destroyed my accuracy...but those are back now praise god), and because of the people I was working with...it was my first real band though, and we did a lot of fun shows, and it is how I learned to be a great frontman...so when I got kicked out it devastated me...(plus my living situation sucked/sucks, and my life has not had any real joy in it...it's been filled with abuse, neglect, and too many bouts with suicide, plus one almost too close to successful suicide...so Yea...). Anyways, so that guy knew I was kinda fragile and was wanting some help getting back into the groove of things, and plus, I had sat for 3 hours listening to his music and telling him my thoughts on it, which was almost all positive. Yet, I'm given one attempt to write a unique melody to something I'd heard twice, and when I did, he completely trashes everything I did and then brings my music credibility into question by condescendingly asking if I had ever actually listened to my voice on a recording (which he knew I had because I brought it up at least 5 times...). After he told me ever single note I sang was flat and I thanked him for what I at first thought was genuine criticism, he started acting super weird. He suddenly had to go pick someone up or something, so he told me I needed to leave immediately...it's like me singing made him become super stand offish...I still don't quite get it. Anyways, that comment DEVASTATED me for months...I would spend hours singing into tuners and recording myself over a song playing, so I could see how flat I was. While these exercises have ended up helping me out...it turned out that every note I sing ISN'T flat...but I can't see why that guy would tell me it is...
Deactivating text wall power...
I've been singing all my life. This whole time I've also been on a constant journey to improve my voice. I have a natural ear for music that kind of defies what many people understand. I hear harmonies in my head even without music playing, and I can write melodies or incredibly odd harmonies in seconds without even thinking...when I write melodies I turn off my brain and somehow end up almost instantly coming up with 2 to 3 melodies to edit and splice. I can come up with parts for any instrument, save guitar, because my brain just can't figure out the underlying logic of guitar chords...I get chords on piano, but guitar just is weird...I like it this way though, because it forces me to need someone else to actually write a song, which I think is perfect. I also write pretty good lyrics as well, and I have a great sense for song structuring.
Now that I've patted myself on the back with my now dislocated shoulder, my big reason for joining us to get feedback and maybe help some others too. I've worked very hard to recognize my own flaws, take ownership of them, and then do everything I can to either fix said flaw or maybe set it in a more proper and healthy context to maybe transform my perception of it being a flaw to begin with. The strongest people embrace their weaknesses and can thus craft those seemingly inferior traits into positives. I've been alone pretty much my whole life, so that's why I've worked so hard to achieve that mentality...I want to constantly grow as a human being, and facing yourself head on without shame or regret always seemed like the best way to do that to me. But anyways, I'd like some feedback or criticism. I want to grow more as a singer. But I really hate when someone blatantly and cavalierly seems to just be trying to shatter my confidence...like this one guy who (even though I told I'd been on stage and recorded in my lifetime) decided to ask me if I'd ever recorded my singing and listened to it, because, somehow, (which I still can't understand how) he said that every single note I sang was flat...I was improvising an r and b sort of melody for some music he wrote, and it was my very first attempt also. Not to mention that it was my first time doing anything in music in 5 years due to my band of like 8 years turning on me and kicking me out because I was "crazy"...I actually just ended up getting the girl my drummer apparently had a thing for, and my guitarist had been jealous of me since we formed the band...I know this because of all the weird comments he (and the rest of them occasionally as well) would make to me always diminishing my role in the music writing process...they also would demand I sing things I didn't feel comfortable singing, and they played so loud that I had to scream and ended up butchering my voice for a few years until I stopped. It was a terrible situation for me, both because of self made choices (I felt like I had to grind my voice in order to sound more powerful...the constant forced screaming ended up giving me constant sinus infections and it destroyed my accuracy...but those are back now praise god), and because of the people I was working with...it was my first real band though, and we did a lot of fun shows, and it is how I learned to be a great frontman...so when I got kicked out it devastated me...(plus my living situation sucked/sucks, and my life has not had any real joy in it...it's been filled with abuse, neglect, and too many bouts with suicide, plus one almost too close to successful suicide...so Yea...). Anyways, so that guy knew I was kinda fragile and was wanting some help getting back into the groove of things, and plus, I had sat for 3 hours listening to his music and telling him my thoughts on it, which was almost all positive. Yet, I'm given one attempt to write a unique melody to something I'd heard twice, and when I did, he completely trashes everything I did and then brings my music credibility into question by condescendingly asking if I had ever actually listened to my voice on a recording (which he knew I had because I brought it up at least 5 times...). After he told me ever single note I sang was flat and I thanked him for what I at first thought was genuine criticism, he started acting super weird. He suddenly had to go pick someone up or something, so he told me I needed to leave immediately...it's like me singing made him become super stand offish...I still don't quite get it. Anyways, that comment DEVASTATED me for months...I would spend hours singing into tuners and recording myself over a song playing, so I could see how flat I was. While these exercises have ended up helping me out...it turned out that every note I sing ISN'T flat...but I can't see why that guy would tell me it is...
Deactivating text wall power...
Comments
Yes, we can get into some questionable situations sometimes in the music "business" where some individuals feel they must bestow upon us their knowledge of just how wrong they think we really are, without regard to how we might feel about their delivery of same.
Combine that with living circumstances that turn into being cast aside, and that can be a very difficult time to get past.
I hope you are at a point where you are regrouping yourself and finding new musical friends to align yourself with.
Sounds like you have resolved for yourself the question of whether or not you are singing flat and ready to move on to bigger, better, and more pleasant times, both musically and in life in general, as well.
Don't let mean-spirited criticisms bring you down. And don't let ANYTHING make you question whether life is worth continued living. Yes, we all get sad or into miserable situations, but that just means that from this point forward, things WILL get better eventually if we just point ourselves in the right direction.
Don't let musical bullies who think of themselves as experts cast doubts upon your self-worth. Gather your thoughts and find others who have respect for their fellow human beings. Better days lie ahead for you!
All the Best!
Bob
Oh, I would like to say though, that while I am mostly alone (I have a fiancee that is incredibly sick, but I love her dearly...she can't really be there for me too often at this time though...) I'm never really lonely. OK, so I know this is going to come off as utter lunacy, but due to the amount of abuse and neglect I experienced as a child, I developed something called Dissociative Identity Disorder...or better known as multiple personality disorder. It sounds crazy, but it is real...I'm lucky in that my alters tend to work very well together, and they also provide me with fresh perspectives and angles that I wouldn't ever think about without them...they literally have saved my life, and are the reason I don't just have a broken personality...I have numerous fully realized selves that each is unique and essential to my survival as a child...so...I at least have people to talk to when I need to...but friends with dedicated bodies would be nice.
Another essay, but this time the contents might be disputed or scoffed at...hmmmm, we shall see. I honestly don't tell anyone about my "disorder"...but I think I just wanted someone to know or care...I'll probably wake up tomorrow and really question what I was thinking when writing this...
Now, maybe I'm way over thinking this...nowadays I have trouble NOT over thinking things...I have a lot of alone time with little to do...while this has always given me ample time for self analysis and healthy reflection on past events, it also gives me too much time to think about how others may have interpreted things I've written...in person, I'm great with people (well, depending sometimes, but I think the majority of the time), but through text or the internet, I often worry if I'll be misinterpreted or something else negative...I think it might have something to do with growing up in a place where my words have always been twisted to fit the needs of others.
Either way, if it did come off as egotistical or narcissistic, or if I just over thought it, I still think my tendency to introduce myself in such a manner is not q healthy way to go about meeting people and forming healthy and mutual relationships with others. I am earlier said that I just know things...but even with all my supposed knowledge and what not, I still made a complete fool of myself and ended up doing exactly what I didn't want. I did more in the way of pushing others away from myself than I did in drawing anyone in.
I just wanted to apologize for earlier, whether it bothered you or not, because I don't think exploding on others is a proper or healthy way of making friends.
Also, just so you know...for all the talent I say I have, and all the things I say I know, I have actually accomplished literally NOTHING! For all I say I'll accomplish, the farthest I've ever come to "changing the world" is playing a show in Austin (I live around Dallas). I'm a high school drop out who got his GED and always sucked in school. If I'm really as gifted as I say I am, than I'm a massive bag of wasted potential. I know this. I know I have a lot of work to do. I know that if I want to help people and make this world a better place, I have a gargantuan amount of work and a very uncertain and often abandoned road ahead of me. I know that I must always be willing to learn, even from those who might hurt me or even hate me. And I also know that I will never achieve what I desire to without the help of countless other people. One thing I enjoy more than just about anything else is getting to know people and learning about them and their perspectives...yet I've cut myself off for the past 5 years, all the while saying that I will still accomplish something. I've stayed in a horrid situation because of some deep seeded fear of...something...I don't even know...I fear what I could be maybe? I really don't know yet...but I have a lot of work I must do, and I have to actually do it. There are things I MUST do, and I can't keep hoping I'll will them into happening. I wrote a song a long time ago that I find still applies to me after all these years...so I'll end this stupidly long (again...) post with those lyrics...I personally really enjoy them. Oh, and I figured that if you were willing to put up with my last posts, than a long post explaining and apologizing for said prior posts wouldn't be too big a deal. Actually, I'll just post the song...and another one that I actually loved...they're from like 8 years ago, and I no longer scream, but they are a good example of my voice...they were recorded as complete single run through with no editing of numerous takes and no auto tune or fancy stuff like that...the guitars are out of tune kinda often, but the singing is good in my opinion...I'll post the lyrics later, since I don't have them on my phone and I think I'm pretty easy to understand. I know I go flat occasionally, especially in The Dream is Over, but I don't think it's bad for being a singular take without editing.
The Calling
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwr0O5yPPXDleGVSV3Izd3RwRmM/view?usp=drivesdk
The Kindness of Media
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwr0O5yPPXDlMkVFU2dqWG9FckE/view?usp=drivesdk
The Dream is Over
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwr0O5yPPXDlLXUwY19tbF9YTnc/view?usp=drivesdk
I would love feedback on both the singing and lyrics, whether it be constructive criticism or praise, I appreciate it all. Also, these were written an sung when I was between 18 and 20, and I'm 28 now. My voice is more versatile than back then, and I rarely scream like I love to do in those past recordings. I also smoke cigarettes though, and I must quit because I can't lose my voice...anyways, hope you find enjoyment from those few tracks, and also for taking the time to actually read my "novellas".
I enjoyed your tunes. They are well-recorded and your voice is decent to listen to. I'm kind of multitasking tonight, with way too much to do, so I'm not trying to follow the lyrics, but I am catching some good lines here and there. I wouldn't mind seeing them written out.
Give up those cigarettes when you get inspired to do so. It's hard to do, but if you don't, pretty soon it will be much later than when you should have accomplished that.
Bob
Calling
Oh bleeding saint
I’ve heard your call
But still I run away
The call to stand
While still I crawl
And mingle in my pain
I’ve heard the cries
I’ve learned your tune
Yet still can’t block it out
The wind it brings
A chilling cold
That splinters in my thoughts
So tell me why
Why am I called
I’m nothing but a child
My mind, it still
Clings to the past
And hides out all the while
This destiny
What is this call
I’m of no use to gods
The fairytales
I hear from men
They cradle me to fall
The sky is dark
And clouds are black
The storm is coming soon
Yet how will I
Be heard through this
If I still cling to ruin
I know no lord
I see no savior
I fear what I could be
But still I feel
A pulling towards
Some fruitless destiny
I’m left with a choice
To stand through the storm
Or simply wash away
And honestly
I don’t know how
I’ll answer on that day
The Kindness of Media
We’ve taught you how to be alone
Told you how to live on the fly
Showed you all you need to survive
Gave you examples, models to live by
And while your parents left you unattended
We quickly stepped in, so fast you could taste it
From television to the toys you played with
We always were there, molding your essence
Look back and see the good we’ve done
The towering buildings, the blocking of sun
The burning hot concrete where your children run
It’s all our creation, a synthesized fun
You grew and learned from the morals we set
You took it all in, mind numb to effect
And you ate from our table, we lived side by side
We taught you denials and ways to hide
We were always above you
Puppeteering your moves
And you looked to us for guidance
Letting us form your rules
Look back and see the wonders we made
The thunderous sounds, the billions we paid
The millions of pavements and sidewalks we laid
For your entertainment, a quick easy trade
Look at how we’ve taught your daughter
To lie and pretend to be someone other
To prance about in the best of fashion
To learn to love without the passion
And look at what we’ve taught your son
He’s grown up hard, but oh so strong
His heart’s of steel, his mind a rock
But he’s adored throughout the block
Look back and see the horror you crave
The rivers and forests you asked us to pave
The millions of people who’ll never be saved
All for your enjoyment, we knowingly gave
The Dream is Over
The dream is over
The stars they’ve fallen down
The dream is over
And all you see around
The fear of another
The fear of yourself
The ways of the mind
The ways of the soul
The fighting for freedom
To stay in your cage
The dream is over
There’s nothing to say
The sky has turned to dust
As the seas they burn to touch
And the fires of many
Are saving the world
In a selfless encounter
To hold out the sword
The dream is over
You’re tears have fallen now
The dream is over
You’re life forever bound
The heart of another
The heart of yourself
The wars of the mind
The wars of the soul
The freedom to fight
Released from your cage
The dream is over
There’s more to be said
The sky has turned to dust
As the seas burn to the touch
And the fires of many
Are saving the world
In a selfless encounter
The hold back the sword
The ground is now shaking
From valley to creek
The rivers run rampant
Along your cold feet
And as you belong
To the wind’s only song
You fly forth to seek
The strength in the meek
The dream is over
The safety shattered now
Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it.
I guess that really didn't help my case in trying to make my lyrics seem more cheerful. Granted, it's hard to be uplifting when in my situation...but I'll see what I have that's more positive.
To tell the truth, I haven't written anything new in over 5 years...I really need to start again...I think I could write something more positive at this time.
Mirror
What do I dream
A dream of peace
A dream of love
A selfish dream to serve myself
And leave all my beloved
And what is this I see
A subservient monstrosity
That haunts me as I linger
In the depths of the night
And I won't deny I'm scared
Or say I've somehow won
Again I'm sitting huddled
In my single cornered haven
And I wish to try and fight
Tell myself it's only right
But my body shakes a shivers
And my threats cannot deliver
You see this thing is crushing me
And seeping in my wounds
But I sit here safely in my corner
Scared of all that moves
But now is time to face my fear
This undeniable feeling
I'll stand and fight
While knowing that there's but a tint of light
Hello my old friend mirror
It's been a rather long time
Part 2
Broken Glass
Once afraid to see myself
A hapless soulless monster
I see the mirror on my wall
And watch the image falter
The grips of pain that held me in
Have vanished with my death
And in it I have found new life
A life forever blessed
The shackles caused by memories
Of follies past and gone
Have now been broken, severed
I now see what I shall not become
The monster in the mirror
Shall be vanquished just as night
Is forced away from eyesight
With the coming of the light
So now my old friend mirror
I know I’ve won this fight
Through truth I’ve found a path of strength
To end this menacing plight
Free now, I’m surrounded
By the things that haunted me
Shattered into minute shards
Of things I now refuse to be
This battle that consumed my soul
And twisted my reality
Is at an end and now I see
The path to make me whole
Now my one true enemy
The glass that haunts my dreams
I’ve shattered you and now my life
Shall finally begin
I think those, when put together, could be pretty uplifting...I mean, the concept of seeing yourself in a false and terrible way and then finding strength to face it and shatter that false perception is quite uplifting in my opinion, and not a topic commomly taken on in any real depth.