"Drowning in Honey" original tune
KaiEllis
Pro, 2.0 PRO Posts: 215
Hi! Round two on this song! Used feedback from a lot of people to re-record and reprogram this song from scratch.
Going for sort of a Goo Goo Dolls meets Neon Trees vibe - alt rock meets synth pop sensibilities.
I'd love feedback on the songwriting and the production! I'm new to everything, so everything about writing and recording a song is a revelation to me.
But if you can, avoid the low hanging fruit of "the vocals are pitchy" LOL You'll just be telling a fat kid who's already spending 3 hours a day at the gym that he needs to lose some weight
Instead, I'd love to hear about lyrics, melody, EQ, volume, compression, all that. Though if there are technique things you hear I can do better, that would be very helpful! Thank you!
"Drowning in Honey"
Don't know if you heard the news
I want to but can't refuse you
I've said it till now I'm shouting
When you're on my mind I'm drowning
And when the air escapes me
You start calling
I start stalling
I wish it was your fault
But that's just salt
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
It's hard when you're praised for your style
But what you've been wearing is denial
I'm living off of less than your crumbs
But you've become
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
Hello you
It's barely me
My emotions need a referee
A hall of mirrors in my head
We're a forest fire that must be fed
Loving you is like a trial
Leaving you has left me in a spiral
Living off of less than crumbs
Never knew that you’d become
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
Going for sort of a Goo Goo Dolls meets Neon Trees vibe - alt rock meets synth pop sensibilities.
I'd love feedback on the songwriting and the production! I'm new to everything, so everything about writing and recording a song is a revelation to me.
But if you can, avoid the low hanging fruit of "the vocals are pitchy" LOL You'll just be telling a fat kid who's already spending 3 hours a day at the gym that he needs to lose some weight
Instead, I'd love to hear about lyrics, melody, EQ, volume, compression, all that. Though if there are technique things you hear I can do better, that would be very helpful! Thank you!
"Drowning in Honey"
Don't know if you heard the news
I want to but can't refuse you
I've said it till now I'm shouting
When you're on my mind I'm drowning
And when the air escapes me
You start calling
I start stalling
I wish it was your fault
But that's just salt
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
It's hard when you're praised for your style
But what you've been wearing is denial
I'm living off of less than your crumbs
But you've become
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
Hello you
It's barely me
My emotions need a referee
A hall of mirrors in my head
We're a forest fire that must be fed
Loving you is like a trial
Leaving you has left me in a spiral
Living off of less than crumbs
Never knew that you’d become
The sweetest thing
That’s on my tongue
And I don't care
If it's just crumbs
The lowest fruit
The loudest drum
My body's clear
My mind is numb
And when you're here
You fill my lungs
I'm drowning in honey
Comments
1) i like the lyrics,
2) you can reach high notes there!!!
3) i would try to think out the riff / strumming pattern that is easy to perceive and perfectly the same so you can recognize it and anchor to it when you are listener (maybe it's already done but during few times that i listened i couldn't perceive that easily, so let's count on a non musician who listens to it)
4) breaks of some kind between strofa/ chorus, otherwise you can't perceive where one ends and other starts.
5) some instrumental add-ons like intro and in between so they can help point 4, of course you could add some bass and drums that would make things easier to listen but of course additional headache hehe
i think that you are on a good path. few more arrangement steps and that will be ok
hope you find that helpful
Yeah, man. Your experience mirrors mine a lot. It's one of the reasons this forum has been such a blessing to me. Whether it's you or Bob or anyone else here, nobody has ever told me, "Come back when you're on pitch" LOL I always get encouragement AND helpful suggestions for how to be better.
Because let me tell you... my favorite advice of all time is "Go work on your pitch. Try doing scales and exercises daily."
In the meantime, I've swallowed my pride and started using Melodyne to tighten up my demos. If I wasn't putting in the work to be a better singer, I'd call this lazy cheating. But because I'm just trying to get decent sounding demos, I'm just gonna hang my head in shame and do what I gotta do LOL
If you get a minute, would love to hear your thoughts on this updated mix!